My Take on the Heavens
by Angel-Mary
Summary: What would you do to become someone else? Move to a new city? Change your name? What about erasing who you are, your memories? Coupling: Yaoi. Heero/Trowa/Relena
1. Chapter 1

**My Take on the Heavens**

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Hola my dear fans,

I have decided to rewrite My Take on the Heavens because I have lost my path in that fic. Enjoy the journey. I would like to hear your ideas about the plot and ideas to progress this fic further in order to make this story the best story it can be.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and in no way am I profiting from this depiction of the Gundam Wing characters.

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Chapter One:

Loud applause filled the arena. Heero could swear that he wouldn't have been able to hear his own thoughts if not for his sanity. He was not sure which god to thank as the final performance ended and general wishes for the well-being of the audience were announced by the ringmaster. Heero was immensely thankful that the whole schedule of performances was over, although he had to admit that his favorite had been the trapeze artists.

Inhaling deeply, Heero rose from his position on the stands and made his way through the thinning crowd. Once Heero wove his way through the mass of strangers outside the tent, he continued on his well-worn journey towards the trailer Trowa had once shared with his adopted older sister, Catherine. It had been four years since the Eve Wars and the Mariemaia incident. Heero, along with the other Gundam wing pilots had finally entered their twenties. Life held a lot for his comrades. They had futures that Heero was fond of watching and observing from the sidelines. At this time, Heero had yet to confirm if he had his own.

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"Well, Heero, the only advice I can give you is the same advice you bestowed upon me all those years ago. '_The best way to live your life is to act on your emotions.'_ I'm sure you remember those words." Trowa nodded to himself as he bowed to stare into the black surface of his plain cup of coffee. It held within its depths no sugar or cream, it was simply plain and tart.

Trowa didn't want to chastise the man, but Heero could only let Relena wait for him for so long. Resting his cup on the small square table in front of him, Trowa raised his eyes to the meet the sorrowful eyes of the man code named Heero Yuy. Had it been so long since either of had spoken. Quatre and Duo kept regular contact with him. Even Wufei sent him the occasional message and they had spoken quite a few times about their lives and politics. Heero, on the other hand, remained the stoic and private person of his youth.

Quietly, Trowa rationalized what Heero himself was too sensitive -perhaps- to admit aloud. "Relena might have found someone else. You should tell her how you feel just the same. It does not hurt to try. Have you reflected on this at all?" Trowa shook his head, "Of course, you have. I do not believe that you have ever done anything without first weighing the cause and the effect."

Trowa held up his hand in an attempt to stop Heero from interrupting his speech, but was subdued anyway. "_There is nothing more noble and beautiful than a soldier with no distractions. One could say that he is the closest thing to God_," Heero declared, his eyes meeting Trowa's a glow of defiance reverberating in them.

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"…That is what he said to you?" Duo gasped as he stood in front of his former war comrades. Wufei was mixing a drink at the bar, his back to Duo. "Calm down, obviously, Heero was quoting-"

"Who?" Duo interrupted again as he sat back down.

A loud sigh escaped Wufei's lips as he continued with his drink and decidedly ignoring Duo's rude and impish outburst.

"I think he was quoting something Treize might have said to him at some point during the war." Trowa continued as if Duo's exclamations into their conversation had never occurred.

Trowa watched avidly as Quatre bit his lower lip. It seemed as if time had slowed and Trowa watched as Quatre released his lip, the impression left in his pale pink skin made Trowa tingle. Averting his eyes from the sensual sight, Trowa accepted the drink offered to him by Wufei. Wufei kindly ignored the scene recently displayed before him.

"Thank you."

"Well," Quatre finally voiced, ignorant of Trowa's infatuation, "we're not soldiers anymore. So, that excuse doesn't work anymore. Maybe we should talk with him."

Trowa narrowed his eyes at his kindred companion. There was no way in hell, quite literally, that Heero would join them in their get-togethers that occurred every few months. Wufei had barely wanted to attend, but two years of loud, overly friendly voice mails from Duo and Wufei agreed. Officially, Wufei said that it was nice to reminisce with old allies about their days in the battle field. Unofficially, Sally Po had mentioned that his true reason was due to the fact that his mailbox was never filled with the important messages, only Duo's audacious ones. Sally had laughed when she reported hearing Wufei's choice of swear words when he walked into an important Prevent meeting absurdly late because he had not received the message about its scheduling.

Trowa assumed that that had been the reason why Wufei had initiated a gathering not long after and challenged Duo to a drinking match. The oblivious Duo accepted and unknowingly drank shot after shot of liquor, while Wufei matched him with shots of water. Seeing Duo completely wasted incited roaring laughter from Wufei. He claimed days later in a voice mail that Duo had insulted just about everyone on the flight back to his respective colony due to a hellish lingering hangover. Trowa wasn't sure if Wufei heard that from Hilde or from Duo. Duo hadn't touched liquor since the incident and even went as far as to bring private water with him to the hotels they sometimes unified in.

"Maybe," Wufei added as he passed over a suspicious looking Duo and handed Quatre a glass of some fruity mixed drink. "We should trick him into coming to the earth where Relena is staying. I know Une wouldn't mind if we fabricated some evidence of a rebel uprising or a sniper. It has to be something believable or Heero will try to leave it to one of us. Of course, none of us will be available to aid him or grant him a favor."

Wufei returned to the bar and sat on a brown leather covered barstool. The lounge in Quatre's condo was pleasant Trowa noticed as he tried to gather his thoughts around the topic at hand instead of the man seated to his right. A thought struck Trowa in the comfortable silence that the other former Gundam pilots had sunken into, "Has anyone ever researched Heero's past? He was trained by Doctor. J, right?"

"Duo?" Quatre stared at Duo and Trowa turned to acknowledge his comrade's hesitant posture. Duo was seated across from Quatre and Trowa, Wufei was situated at the bar which faced the entrance to their dark lair and the empty leather armchair in front of it. If Heero had been present, he would have been sitting right there.

"He was trained by Dekim Barton. Doctor J left behind some notes in a secret laboratory that he had been operating out of when we first went to the earth, when he was sending missions to Heero to complete."

"What made you want to go there?" Wufei asked pointedly. He was blatantly ignoring the fact that Duo hadn't asked Heero himself for the personal details.

Duo shrugged swigging down some his bottled water. He eyed Wufei quietly and swallowed slowly. "Hilde and I got to talking one day and Heero came up. We were at dinner and wanted to know more about him. So, I started digging and the lab came up in an old -and may I mention forgotten- report made when OZ captured the old man in After Colony One Nine Five."

"A woman made you do all that researching?" Wufei questioned. He didn't sound convinced.

Erupting in a loud undignified sigh, Duo gave in, "Fine, I was curious too. Happy?"

"What else did you find out?" Quatre leaned forward truly interested in Duo's secret discovery.

Duo shook his head and set his drink among the forgotten drinks of Quatre and Trowa. "Nothing good. Other than your average training of a fourteen year old boy. They only had year of training, although Doctor J noted that Heero had had other training before Dekim found him. He also made personal notes, like the fact that Heero displayed remorse at the sight of dead civilians. Hell, one note even said how Dekim had him shot a prisoner and then the bastard left Heero in the room with the corpse for a few days. Doctor J didn't bother to note how many days Heero roomed with the guy.

If that isn't freaky enough, Doctor J mentioned how he and Dekim argued constantly about whether it was right for them to quote 'steal Heero's humanity.' Besides that none of the information gave away Heero's given name. His code name was christened just a few moments before he took off for the earth like the rest of us. Oh," Duo recalled suddenly, "there was something about a little girl and her dog. They were victims of Heero's assault on some colony oppressed by the Alliance right before Dekim got his hands on Heero."

Wufei stirred his drink loudly, gaining the attention of the whole room. Rolling his eyes from right to left slyly, Wufei began speaking, "When I decided that what I was doing, following Mariemaia, was no longer right, Heero asked why he continued to kill a little girl with her dog. He specifically wanted know how many times he had to kill her before he could stop."

"Stop what?" Quatre asked, in a desperate tone.

Wufei took his time and raised his glass to his lips. When he finally placed it back on the counter behind him, he answered, "Stop fighting."

Silence resumed and before the night was over a plan was hatched. Trowa made sure to ask Duo for the data he had obtained from Doctor J's old laboratory on Heero. Duo was not surprised when Quatre and Wufei asked for duplicate copies of the same information.

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R&R

How am I doing?


	2. Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and in no way am I profiting from this depiction of the Gundam Wing characters.

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Chapter Two:

Heero strummed the guitar lying across his lap. The Americas had always fascinated him and he found himself inside of a large city on the mainland of the west coast. Heero had long forgotten the name of this city. It was gigantic, much larger than it had been all those years ago when it was first formed. In fact, sitting inside of this lonely bar on stage, one could lose track of the hundreds of miles of sand surrounding the place.

Sin City, a distant thought gathered in Heero's mind before he dismissed it. Finally, his fingers found their tune. Their melody was deep and lost amidst the pain and sorrow he felt for his past and for his inability to move on with Relena or otherwise. Words bubbled up from the depths of where Heero assumed his soul was hiding. Perhaps in the midst of these feelings, there was a decision to be made. The accompanying saxophone player, Wen, caught on to Heero's sorrowful, soulful rhythm and joined him on his journey into hell. Heero closed his eyes, his heart calling out to her, to Relena. The scenery from hell was much akin to Dante's description. There were indeed levels to Heero's hell. There was the slow burning that consumed him, he could feel his vocal cords simmering as he descended.

The first level, the entrance to hell was bearable. Heero dwelled there day in and day out. Life was misery, dull, dark and gray. On days like today, Heero liked to travel farther and he enjoyed it further when he was able to pull others down with him on his journey. He couldn't and wouldn't allow them to live with him there, but that didn't mean that he could not share what he felt through his music.

The second level was a step further down into the pits with demons. Old memories clung to him like a five o'clock shadow on his jaw. They were inevitable; things he could no longer let go of. There was nothing to heal from. A festering wound that would not close, but lie in wait from him to remember that it was there. Entering at anytime of the day sent shivers down Heero's spine. It caused him to quake to the center of his being. There were times when Heero sat on the stage that he could see him in the audience, the old worn face and the experienced eyes of a battle torn soldier. The melody began to loom near the edge.

Heero tumbled over and dove into his third level of hell. The space was becoming smaller. His hands initiated the heavy depressed atmosphere that surrounded him on a constant basis. A boy met him there. He was small, six or seven. His hair was a messy dark brown and as he guided Heero forward, a soul searching note could be heard. Looking up, Heero wondered who's voice that was. It was ragged and sad and brash and brave.

The boy's hands were rough and hardened by man's work instead of softened by child's play. Light guided them, almost as if they had entered a pseudo heaven. The beat became lighter. It was Heero's fourth level of hell. His past hopes resided here. The man-child stood his ground and was tapping his feet to the livelihood of this place. Gone were the shadows. The memories of the past were not permitted here. Heero spun around in this place and wondered why this place was a part of his hell.

The boy paused in his tapping and became stoic, suddenly standing erect. There standing, blocking the entrance to his crystallized hopes and dreams was Doctor J. His eyes were jaded by the apparatus he wore over them. With his eyes hidden from sight, Heero could not tell what the man was thinking and again his rhythm plunged into the depression that plagued him through the fifth level of his personal hell.

There was nothing there, no light, not even from the flames that licked ever closer at Heero's heels. The space was truly becoming smaller. In the darkness, Heero could make out glowing green eyes. An inexpressible sadness swept through him and again Heero was bathed in that strong soulful expression. The honesty of that voice led him as a strong current away from the green eyes and cold calculations of statistical battle outcomes that covered the walls in an eerie green glow.

The current carried him along until Heero was lost amongst buildings, tall dark and gray. The colors benefited and reflected his mood as he moved closer to his target. The space was no smaller than the fifth level. Six was not a lucky number for Heero. He did not believe that the number was unlucky in itself it was just another number. The buildings held no pain for Heero in and of themselves, but people milled about him. It was as if he were invisible. The people were unaware of his presence until the sky opened up and rained bullets on them. Civilians, Heero realized as he watch in subtle horror as men and women and children were hit. Blood flowed like a river covering the street surrounding him. The blood stuck to his shoes and Heero was sure that the blood would never be removed from him. He was dirty and he would always remain that way. Relena would never want him. Who would want a bloody murderer for a lover?

The trail of blood led Heero to his seventh level of hell. Lapsing into silence, not even the faint echoing of breathing disgruntled the dead silence. In the distance, above him, Heero was conscious of his inability to move and the reality that his fingers had given up. Wen was doing just as he always did; he followed his intuition and filled the silence. The silence was not what quieted Heero, the smell was the culprit. This level was truly smaller than the others previously traversed. Heero could see a bunk not too far from where he stood, the only light drifted in almost innocently from a small square window. It was enough for Heero to see the dead man and his face. The stench of death hung in the air and Heero stood just a few feet away, alive. Being in the same room as death and not having the ability to escape stripped Heero of his courage, his tenacity to live.

Feeling a gentle push from behind, Heero didn't turn around to know that he was encouraging himself. He walked towards the light, he could journey no further. The other levels could wait until his permanent descent into hell. He had time before he would be coasting down further, beyond his fears of mortality, into the realm of no return.

Ascending, the emotions of misery and emptiness towards heaven, Heero saw in the smoky crowd four familiar figures. Anxiety settled in his belly, he was sure that none of it showed on his face. In the furthest corner of Big Marie's there were three other figures none would meet his wondering eyes as he concluded his gut wrenching performance.

Rising, Heero nodded to Wen. His regular crowd of growing followers and admires of his sorrowful folklore and bashful, whimsical raspy enchantment applauded him. Holding his guitar by the neck, Heero gave on sharp, distinguished nod and left the stage. Everyone was accustomed to his performances ending as abruptly as they had begun. Some nights he was like lava freshly released on an unknowing island, he dove in and didn't stop spreading until he reached his limit, the ocean that barred him from consuming more land than he could. On other nights, Heero performed with intermissions and about three or four sets that ended early. Some days, his misery and indecisiveness led him to drink himself to oblivion. Nights like tonight, did not warrant visitors.

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Heero purposely avoided the haunts of his former colleagues and he eyed them warily. Perhaps he would be able ignore them without much incident. Heading over to Big Marie's flirtatious male bartender, Heero ordered a drink to lessen the aggravation he felt at his past sitting at the bar he periodically took residence in from time to time.

"What'll it be?" Heero shrugged not meeting his eyes. Heero had learned on the first night here that meeting that man's eyes, no matter how hard the glare, resulted in a constant flow of free drinks and fiery comments. Most of those comments questioned Heero's sexuality, availability and position in the bedroom. Heero declined to answer and took the drink the man prepared for him. If Heero had still carried a gun on his person, he would have warned the man long ago. Although, Heero was distinctly sure that he wouldn't have gotten the message even then.

Lifting the glass off of the imprinted Big Marie's coaster, Heero ignored the man's suggestive murmurings. The only reason Heero refused to turn away or brush the bartender off was the slow almost hesitant approach of his fellow Gundam pilots. Standing, Heero announced softly, sure that they could hear him that he was taking the drink to his room. A your-loss shrug from the bartender and Heero headed out of the bar with his guitar, drink and audience in tow.

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Hilde scratched her arm. The singing had been great, she wasn't so sure that she needed to witness them trying to entrap Heero into their scheme. Shifting from one foot to the other, Hilde unwittingly met the deep blue eyes of the previous Gundam pilot zero one. Heero had sunk down into a comfy worn leather armchair. The other seats in the room were non-existent. Hilde supposed from the lack of welcoming furniture that Heero was not very fond of company. Swallowing hard, Hilde tried to look away, but his eyes seemed to follow her no matter where she tried to escape.

The back of a black shirt suddenly sheltered Hilde from Heero's searching and hardened gaze.

"What the hell do you want?" Heero's voice was harsh and unrelenting.

"I could ask you the same thing," Duo remarked smartly. Hilde almost wanted to push Duo out of her line of vision so that she could see Heero. Almost.

"Heero," Une spoke quietly, reassurance laced in her tone, "we've come to ask a favor of you. After Colony two zero one, this New Year, Relena will be presenting the results of the Terra Formation Project. I am sure that you are aware of the circumstances. Relena requested you to be her-"

"I am not and will not be assigned as her bodyguard. You do realize that I do not work for the Earth Sphere Unified Nation and I do not work for you or for Relena." Heero paused and Hilde edged further into his vision. He was silently starring at his drink, his eyes narrowed, and an amused glint lingering in their depths.

Sighing, Heero set his drink on the floor beside his chair, "There are four former Gundam pilots in this room and four former OZ officers. I suggest that you decide amongst yourselves."

Hilde stood her ground as Heero's eyes found hers once again.

"Heero, why are you being like this? We all know that your hiding," Quatre stepped forward as Une stepped back. Noin and Milliardo were standing against a bare white wall just behind Une. The other former Gundam pilots were nearest to Hilde and Duo. Trowa and Quatre were to her immediate right and Duo and Wufei were to her left. Sally was standing with her back to the main entrance to Heero's flat. Everything about it was clinical. There were no colors or pictures. Nothing to remind Heero of his past or maybe Hilde pondered this style of living did remind Heero of his past.

"Leave it to Quatre to point out the obvious. I am not hiding or you wouldn't have been able to follow me or find me. I am not running, I am waiting."

Tuning back into the conversation between Quatre and Heero, Hilde responded to Heero's retort, "You love her don't you?"

"What business is it of yours? Hilde Schbeiker are you judging me?"

Hilde balked at the notion, "Judging is implemented by those who are insecure." Hilde wove around Duo and walked to left side of Heero's chair before attempting to take his hand, "Relena misses you. And she did not request you to be her bodyguard. She wanted you to be her date." Releasing his surprisingly warm hand, Hilde stood in his line of vision. He didn't try to evade her eyes.

He nodded twice before rising. Hilde moved back and bumped into Quatre. Murmuring her apologies, Hilde's eyes followed Heero as he rose, his drink swishing in his large, adept hand.

"You may see yourselves out." Heero didn't turn around as he set his drink on the adjacent kitchen counter that protruded into the receiving area where Hilde stood with her onetime allies. He continued on his way down the small hall leading away from them.

"Where are you going? Heero?" Duo called out to him, maintaining his position against the wall. Hilde moved forward as if to follow, but was held back by Quatre. She could see the blond haired man shaking his head in her peripheral vision.

Heero did not return but replied loud enough for them to hear him as a door opened squeakily, "I'm pretty sure there's a sedative in my drink. This isn't the first time he's done that. I figure if I leave early enough or late enough he'll leave me alone. I guess tonight he surprised me."

"Sedative?" Trowa's soft voice met Hilde's ear.

"Liar, you just don't want to face the truth. We're here Heero and were not going to leave you alone until you at least bury the hatchet with Relena. You have to tell her something."

"Make sure to lock the door on the way out, I would rather not wake up to any surprises." Hilde distinctly heard the bedroom door shut.

"Well, we tried, or at least some of us did," Duo declared boldly in an exasperated voice.

"If only Relena had seen that performance, I don't think that recording does him justice," Wufei expressed aloud to no one in particular.

Sally shrugged and walked over to the counter, she picked up the glass the bartender had given to Heero and examined it with her eyes. "There is definitely some residue of something in there. Just barely noticeable." Sally turned with the glass in hand and motioned for Une, together they said their departing farewells and left.

"Well, I guess that's all we can do for now. I've already sent him the information he needs. We should go," Quatre resigned. Nudging Trowa, Quatre led the way out.

"Noin, are you staying?" Hilde asked quietly, her eyes following the woman's gaze to Heero's bedroom door.

"No, I'm not." Noin turned and retreated after Milliardo. For the first time, Hilde noticed that they were holding hands.

Wufei looked curtly at Hilde and Duo before departing. When Hilde and Duo were the only ones left in Heero's apartment, Hilde found herself reclining in the chair Heero had vacated.

"Comfy?" Duo asked, his eyes darting towards Heero's refuge.

Hilde nodded her response and turned to gaze at Heero's bedroom door. She had a perfect view of it and the sole exit.

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Heero lay back on his pillow, fighting the drowsiness trying to claim him. Wen was clever. Heero had not expected nor had he seen Hilde in the audience. His sensitive hearing tracked the movements of his unwanted guests. He had agreed to go and be Relena's escort. He was not ready to reveal how he felt because he was sure that in some way he would be unable to satisfy her.

Groaning in order to arouse his senses, Heero listened to the others retreat. He was sure that only Duo and Hilde were left. Duo had had an intense look in his eyes. Hilde wore her emotions on her sleeve. Heero was sure that if those two weren't married with children within the next three years then the world really was going to end.

Closing his eyes, Heero basked in the realm he often found himself residing in when his mind wouldn't shut down and his body was dead tired. Limbo, he believed it was called. Heero kept still even when two unwanted comrades wandered into his lair.

"You're not sleep," Duo said acknowledging the obvious.

"Duo?" Hilde's voice sounded very hesitant. She acted as if she'd never seen a man sleeping in his clothes, on his bed, in his room with two unwanted guests standing over him.

"What do you want?" Heero asked not directing the question to either of them specifically.

Heero felt the bed dip, "Heero, you do love her don't you?"

The eager gentleness in that voice almost led Heero into answering.

"You don't want to be here all alone do you? Come back with us," Duo offered. His voice was strong and full of the boldness of youth.

"I'm not alone," Heero pointed out as he fought to maintain his consciousness. The last thing he needed was for Duo to take him to his home in the colonies without his consent. He had things to settle here before he left. Wen sure could be an ass at times.

"Well, yeah, you're not alone right now, but you will be when Hilde and I leave. You should come with us or you could stay with Trowa or Quatre or Wufei. Any of us would take you in Heero. We just can't stand to see you here moping around." Duo sighed dramatically as he claimed a seat next to his would-be girlfriend. The bed dipped once more before Heero responded.

"I'll be fine, someone will come and check on me soon enough. The bar is going to be closing up for the night. You should leave, before you see something you regret."

"Well, doesn't that sound like the Heero I used to fight with!" Duo exclaimed humorously.

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Trowa stood amongst the other former Gundam pilots. They were situated right outside the bar, Big Marie's, waiting for Duo and Hilde to emerge from its depths. Noin, Milliardo and Une had already left for their perspective dwellings.

"I can't believe him! Tossing me out like that! Did you see that Hilde, he didn't even open his eyes, the audacity!"

Trowa closed his eyes and repressed the urge to smirk. He could hear Duo complaining and had yet to see him. Heero must have really been annoyed or he really had something to hide.

Pushing his way through the double glass doors, Duo stumbled through with Hilde in tow.

"Did you-"

"Come on Duo, you're wasting everyone's time. What did he say to you?" Wufei interrupted.

Sally was smiling up at him. Wufei was now over five feet and nine inches. Of all the former Gundam pilots, Trowa was still the tallest. With Duo and Heero and Quatre following. Despite his growth, Wufei was still about the same height as Quatre. At the thought of Quatre, Trowa chanced a peak at the blond haired man. Trowa liked his men short, at least shorter than himself.

The sound of a clearing throat brought Trowa out of his thoughts. Duo was rubbing his chest, ignoring Wufei's question. "Man that hurt. He said that he was coming and to get out," Duo blinked furiously as he waved a hand in front of his eyes.

"I'm sure that your eyes are fine," Hilde said pulling the hand that Duo had been waving in front of her face into her own.

Turning around, Trowa began walking down the street. He could feel the presence of the others as they followed them. Their mission had begun.

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R&R

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and in no way am I profiting from this depiction of the Gundam Wing characters.

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WARNING: _Lime_ in the beginning of this chapter. Or rather, lime is the bulk of this chapter!

Chapter Three

Heero awoke with a start. There was a body lying next to him. "Wen, you didn't have to do that for me last night."

Heero felt the bed move as Wen shifted his position groggily, "Kid, you're up a little too early for me to be asking questions. Don't you think?"

Heero closed his eyes and ignored the obnoxious release of bodily fumes into the atmosphere. "You're awake now, aren't you," Heero replied.

Feeling an arm slither around his neck, Heero stiffened in Wen's heated embrace. "I can forgive you waking me and I'll ignore your situation last night, if you give me what I want." Heero felt the press of Wen's hardened desire against his thigh, Heero wasn't in the mood and retorted as much.

Pushing Heero away and sitting up in bed, Wen folded his arms across his chest. "Kid, what good are you, if not for a resounding fuck?" Heero was not offended by Wen's question or gesture at unattached fun. He just couldn't commit.

"Our relationship has not changed. We aren't lovers."

"Well," Wen began hotly, but an undercurrent of amusement could be heard, "we aren't fighters either. I mean, don't you even want to try it once?" Heero turned to face Wen as he began to explicitly describe safe sex between males. He even nudged Heero as he suggested being the first bottom participant.

"I'm flattered, but you're only here to make sure that I wake up in the morning. I'd hate to die in a shit hole like this. No offense," Heero resumed calmly trying to detach himself from the rise of embarrassment that surfaced in his stomach. Trowa had once offered himself to Heero. It had been two years after the Mariemaia incident in After Colony one nine six. Heero was still a virgin and he was certain that he wanted to stay that way. He still hadn't decided whether he wanted to live out the rest of his days longing for Relena's touch or embracing her as a lover, friend or eternal companion.

"Fine," Wen murmured as he sank back into his previous position. Heero sighed and found himself scooting closer to the older man until his chin nuzzled into the nook of Wen's neck and shoulder. Wen wasn't a bad man, just too horny for Heero's taste. He was a great jazz player. His dark hair, short and stocky build and his wood brown skin had entranced Heero when he'd first met him. Heero felt the man's hands wander and he didn't stop him. What was a stroke in a private place on Heero's person compared to the hell he'd plunged himself into upon leaving Relena's side.

Heero felt himself willingly shift to an agreeable and accessible position for Wen to finish his wandering unabashed and for Heero to quietly sink into his meditative state. Heero was sure that somewhere within the next hour and a half he would have to fight succumbing to Wen's warm, wet kisses and smooth, infatuated caresses in favor of preventing any form of penetration. Heero almost went limp at the memory of the last drug Wen had dared him to experiment with. Heero had had to fend off every hooker, pimp and predator he passed by on his journey back to his flat. Perchance, he was exaggerating, but it had felt that way the morning after. The memories of that night were fuzzy, but he remembered the party and taking the little light green pill. Wen had told him that it would relax him and in the dim colorful lighting, Heero had taken a chance.

The effects didn't kick in until fifteen minutes later when Heero was trying to pry a heavily drunk woman off of him. She had been grinding him hard. Heero had finally escaped with the aid of a foreign man that had reminded him so much of Trowa that it was scary. Heero had stupidly followed him to one of the leather benches that lined the walls of the dance floor. There hadn't been much room and Heero had opted to stand, whilst the stranger sat and stared silently up at him.

Watching the other couples occupying the other benches kissing and fondling and fucking had aroused Heero senses. Not five minutes later, Heero found himself grinding with the man he'd just met on the bench he had just declined for lack of fatigue. The grinding graduated to kissing and his shirt going missing and his pants being unbuttoned and right before the skin to skin rubbing had begun, Wen had padded over. He was buzzed and searching for relief. His instant offer of kisses and welcoming sex had enticed the stranger grinding Heero so much that he shared kisses between the two of them. It was not long before they were all three exchanging fluid.

Heero recalled the club's foggy atmosphere and the sounds of gasps and moans rivaling the music. The heat of the club was what ultimately drove Heero to push the stranger into a kneeling position between his legs. Heero hadn't noticed that he was on the bottom until the kissing stopped. He hadn't wanted to halt the feelings of a possible orgasm between someone besides his right or left hand, but the heat was stifling.

When they clamored into the fresh night air, the need to fuck or be fucked evaded Heero and all he wanted to be was alone. At the time, Heero had been living at a small one bedroom flat he rented daily. It was seedy and a complete rip-off. Wen had offered his place that night and Heero was much obliged to take the offer. He was not sure if he would make it alone to his home away from home. Wen led the way with the stranger in tow and Heero grasped the tall man's hand. His vision was blurry and he could feel his heart beating so hard that it was hammering in his chest.

Any music Heero heard, he felt his body move uncharacteristically to the beat. He wanted to be one with it. He just didn't want someone glued to him while he was basking in the music's power over him. The stranger seemed to notice this and wrapped his arms around him. Heero didn't mind, he was not sure if it was the affect of the drug or his need for a personal physical connection, but he wanted to be held. Every time they hit an intersection the man would stand behind Heero and slowly rock his hips. Heero couldn't help but move with him. The man's grip was tight and it commanded Heero's loose movements with precision.

Wen's place was above the bar Big Marie's that he co-owned with his mother who had left for the colonies five years before. Heero wasn't sure if the woman was even alive, but Wen still sent the woman her cut even without the odd occasional card or response signaling her vitality in space. Wen opened the bar's doors and locked them after they had entered. He led them through the bar and lounge area into the back and into what looked like a storage room. After locking the door behind them, Heero recalled standing in the semidarkness wondering if he was going to have to kill them while he was high and unstable. He actually recalled thinking how hard it was going to be to kill them precisely since his ability to keep still and quiet had evaded him. The humming had started again as had the humping. Heero had pinned his new friend against a shelf and wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled his face down to meet his.

Having a good time was all that Heero could focus on. He barely noticed Wen push back a sliding shelf rack and a door appeared inside, he pushed some code into a machine on another door and magically stairs appeared. Heero only knew half the code because the tongue in his mouth and the hand squeezing his butt wouldn't stop distracting him. Wen ushered them up the stairs and down a windowless hallway. The staircase led up to another floor and perhaps more than three others, but Heero tried to concentrate on the man continually rubbing his chest and abdomen. He knew he was getting hard.

Finally, they made it to Wen's bedroom outside it was a reception area of sorts with a small kitchen and only one arm chair. The bathroom was larger than the kitchen and had a very nice sized porcelain tub with carved feet holding it up. Heero thought that it was interesting how Wen managed to preserve that during the wars. The building looked old enough, with its cracked walls and peeling paint. Forgetting to be constantly vigilant, Heero ignored Wen as he closed the curtains to the room's only window and allowed himself to be stripped by this look alike Trowa. There were no lights on in the room. The only light flooded in from the reception area. He even had the same searching green eyes Trowa did.

When Heero was completely nude, he reclined on Wen's bed and watched as the two men got reacquainted. Heero was left to his own devices for a while. Until a sharp moan was extracted from within the depths of Heero's soul. He had gone far with them. The groping, humping, kissing and grinding satisfied him, but even in his drug riddled mind, Heero wouldn't allow himself to be taken. He was mounted twice, each man lustfully trying to master him and each attempt failed. Heero remembered falling asleep to the rhythmic slap of flesh and grunts of pleasure. He never did see that green eyed man again and neither had Wen nor anyone else they knew from their usual hangout spots. A few nights later, Heero moved in and began his ascension and dissention into nightlife as a blues singer and guitar player at Big Marie's.

Breathing heavily, Heero was brought back to the present and gently nudged Wen's head before grasping what little hair he could to ease his reaction. He ran his fingers over the textured hair several times as he was ensnared by Wen's skillful moist cavern. He fought hard not to choke the man as he resisted lifting his hips to grind. Wen was very good at making a person forget their troubles. Heero was sure going to miss him.

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Relena waited anxiously for Heero's shuttle to land. She could see it from where she stood inside the terminal. How many years had it been? She was sure that she hadn't lost count, but rather that she did not want to imagine how long it had been since she last saw him. A large part of her wanted to melt into his arms and never leave. It wanted to claim victory and defeat simultaneously. Victory would be claimed because she and Heero could live out her fantasies and defeat would only include their solidarity and independence from each other.

Smoothing down her blue plaid skirt and matching jacket, Relena fought off the wave of butterflies that were trying to establish permanent residency in her stomach. She was no longer the girl of her youth, chasing after a memory or flash of her illusory knight in shining armor. Relena was a woman now and she needed a man by her side that would be her rock. The only question that plagued Relena was whether or not Heero was the man that she had been saving herself for all this time.

oooooooooOOO

Relena could no longer stand the silence, Heero bathed her in. He simply refused to speak more than two syllable answers to her every question. Would this be what her life would be like with him, if things worked out the way she had planned? Did she or could she exist in a relationship in which words of her usual comfort were offered less than half of the time? Most importantly, was Heero worth the silence? Relena was no longer sure.

After making sure that Heero was settled into his guest accommodation, Relena drifted to her study. She needed to contemplate whether or not Heero was worth the wait. The reality of her disposition contrasted sharply with the image of Heero in her youth. He was her savior. Years of nights fantasizing about his return had consumed her mind. Gentle caresses of her hand against her neediest of places had been ghosted by the rhythm of Heero's invisible calloused hands.

Leaning back in her reclining leather chair, Relena closed her eyes and unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse. Her suit jacket had been thrown over the back of her seat. It currently nestled behind her head. Reaching out blindly to a handheld video camera that Wufei had given her, she felt along until a cord was within her grasp. She tugged until her fingers felt the fabric of the ear phones and hardened plastic. Gathering them in her hands, Relena covered her ears and pressed the playback button that she had memorized its place by touch.

The sound of sorrow embodied and swarmed in a honeyed baritone voice filled Relena's ears. How she wished Heero would perform such a piece for her. Her head slowly swayed to the beat and her feet tapped as if they had a mind of their own. Lightly, Relena glided her hands through the air, threading them in tune with the music and the melody of Heero's words. His tale of dissension was truly pitying, but Relena was sure that Heero would be able to move past this phase of his life with enough counseling. Relena knew she would not allow him to refuse. Perhaps, even an anti-depressant prescription would push Heero faster in her direction. All of this of course was in the interest of Heero's well-being.

Torn between allowing Heero to move in his own time and consoling her own desire for a man, a husband, a lover, Relena knew that her judgment was clouded. She knew that the plan did not involve her forcing Heero to get help, but it would not hurt him to try. She could not stand the thought of him dwelling all alone in his misery. Opening her eyes, Relena focused on Heero's lips on the monitor. His eyes were shielded by his eyelids. The pain that reverberated was omnipotent in his words, if not his demeanor. Relena only wanted what was best for both of them. If things did not work out between herself and Heero, then she would be forced to find someone who was not her equal, but a shadow of Heero's love and devotion. Only time would tell.

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What did you guys think? Relena really isn't such a bad gal now is she? Please let me know what you think! Heero is in for a wild ride and a rude awakening!

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and in no way am I profiting from this depiction of the Gundam Wing characters.

Warning for those who care: Lemon inside

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Chapter Four

Three knocks resounded throughout Heero's guest quarters. Rising from his inert position at the barren desk, Heero sighed and in spite of his desire to remain alone, he opened the door. Standing before him was Relena; a bright smile was plastered on her pale face. Her honey bond hair was pulled back into a bow. She wore a beige skirt suit. Heero was beginning to notice a pattern to Relena's style of dress. Either her hair was up or down. Her attire was the constant companion of a skirt with a matching suit jacket. Heero himself wore a pair of worn khakis and a green striped button up-shirt.

"Good afternoon," Relena murmured taking in Heero's choice of clothing. Heero watched as her smile faltered when she leaned towards him to embrace him in a hug and did nothing to reciprocate the action. He allowed her small arms to encircle him. Seemingly powerless, Heero endured her touch until she released him and turned away. Heero closed the door, wordlessly behind him as he followed her downstairs. Heero had requested breakfast in his room. He wanted to prolong the moment in which he would have to see her again. Heero found he slightly embarrassed by his reaction or rather lack thereof.

After they had descended two flights of stairs and approached the kitchen, Heero began to wonder if taking his breakfast in his room had upset Relena. Her body language stiff and her shoulders were squared as if preparing for a battle that would be hard won.

Shaking his head, Heero leaned against the door frame of the kitchen's entrance while Relena busied herself making a cup of tea. She had offered him some, but he respectfully declined. They both watched the kettle after it had been placed on the right eye of the stove.

"How have you been? Really been, Heero?" Relena asked her back to him.

Heero grunted a response, unsure if a verbal reply would suffice Relena's desire for intimate details. Resisting the urge to turn away and leave the room, Heero waited for Relena to either reiterate her question or leave him alone. He knew she would ask.

A low growl met his silence. "I have waited a long time to see you, Heero. I expect you-no-I should not expect you to understand what this means to me."

Relena turned to face him, "I want you to know, probably something that you already know, that I care for you."

Walking toward Heero, Relena reached for one of his calloused hands and gripped it tightly. A few moments later, Relena leaned into Hero and he could not help but embrace her. "Maybe…maybe," Heero mumbled as he pulled her closer to him, possessively.

Minutes later, Heero still had not released his long standing charge from his grasp, not even when the tea kettle began to scream incessantly. Glaring at the steam that rose from the kettle, Heero made his way over to the stove with Relena clinging to his left arm. He lifted the kettle off of the eye while Relena turned off the eye. As soon as her arm cleared the stove, Heero swept Relena off of her feet and allowed his long dormant emotions to guide his movements.

~*~*~*~

He started with her toes. They were bare and pale with tinges of pink. They were soft and smooth. He ran his fingers the length of her left foot and then her right foot. He slowly kissed each individual toe and inhaled her lightly perfumed scent. Heero made his way up her body as he rubbed his hands over her bare calf. He massaged her left calf first and then transferred over to her right. Heero was beginning to remind himself of a very horny Wen after knocking back a few drinks.

Instead of waiting for Heero to make his slow trek up to her lips, Heero watched as slim fingers grasped the collar of his shirt and tugged. Heero braced himself as he glided over her body, he met her hips first. They were wider than the remembered. Not the small girlish hips of the past, they belonged to a woman now. Heero leaned forward and nuzzled Relena's navel, exposed as she arched into his face. Her suit jacket long ago thrown onto the carpet when they had entered the room was not an obstacle that Heero had to overcome.

Pressing his lips into the soft flesh warmed by arousal, Heero passed over her breasts. The small mounds were well centered. Heero had not noticed if they had grown or were merely the same prizes that Relena had maturated during the war. Regardless of their roots, Heero pressed his lips against each one carefully and gently. He nearly paused at the sound of Relena's low moan. Heero noted that she was full of guttural moans and groans. The sounds were expressing how Relena must have felt for a while. Heero reasoned that his silence to her for the last few years had had an impact on Relena in ways that he was sure that he did not know.

Heero skipped Relena's lips and sought out her hair. It, unlike the rest of her, had a muted scent. Each individual strand was different. In the midst of the crème colored pillow and matching comforter and carpet, the golden brown strands splayed out. He leaned forward and inhaled as much as his lungs could take and held his breath. Closing his eyes, Heero could feel the strain of his body wanting to collapse onto Relena's. There was a battle raging within him and his carnal side was viciously trying to coerce his reason into following suit.

Heero did not stop Relena from grabbing his hips. He exhaled as her hands began to explore beneath his shirt. Silk hands and needy fingertips rubbed his bare stomach. They reached his shoulders and retreated back to his stomach. They created invisible patterns. Heero relaxed and allowed those manipulatively playful hands to unbutton his shirt and expose his chest. Heero inhaled Relena's scent once more before moving to accommodate her desire for his shirt to be removed completely.

Heero glared down hard as their eyes met. Relena stared up at him unwavering. Had she waited for him? Straddling her hips, Heero never lost eye contact as he bent over her until he was an inch from her countenance. Their noses brushed and he was sure that Relena could read the unspoken question in his hesitance. Instead of answering, Relena's nimble fingers roughly forced the button clasping his jeans together apart.

Without waiting for a response, Relena lifted herself to meet Heero, "Did you?" she asked.

"Depends," Heero answered, "Intercourse, no. I did participate in heavy petting."

Relena nodded up at him, "I waited, and it's now or never."

Cradling her face, Heero knew that she wasn't lying. Possessing her lips, Heero didn't stop.

Clothes soon disappeared. The atmosphere of the room shifted as a heavy musk began to infiltrate the air. The smell of sex was like a haze, a mist that had settled in the room like a permanent fixture. Heero wanted Relena. He wanted so badly to be one with her. Inside of her, nothing seemed –it was as if he had never spent time a part from her. With each thrust, each consuming kiss, Heero's resolve to leave weakened. He had waited so long for her, for this. It boggled him, how she met his every need, she griped him tightly, both inside and out. Her walls seemed too charged with energy and squeezed him with every meeting. Her legs wrapped around him, her tongue seemed to know how to lead him without dominating. When he lay on his back, she rode him slowly, their lips mere millimeters a part, her hair acting as a curtain around their faces, obscuring them from reality.

He was excited by the way her breasts bounced with each movement. They seemed to be throwing a show of their own. Hungrily, he reached for them wanting to touch them, to be nursed by them. Ravaged by the sexual intimacy he felt in this moment, Heero tried to commit this moment to memory. How many times would he be able to be with her like this? How long would this last?

Pressing his lips tenderly against Relena's temple, Heero pulled her close. He didn't know what Relena had planned for him. Feeling something stir within himself, Heero played with his lover's hair until he drifted into a state of semi sleep. He never really slept, he only pretended to. For if he waited for sleep to come, for his mind to shut down completely, then she would come calling to him, offering him her innocence.

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Heero was surprised that he allowed himself to dwell in the fantasy that Relena created for him. Heero was aware of the other Gundam pilots and their interest in making him happy. Heero was truly unsure if this lifestyle, with Relena in a world of politics and public opinion was where he belonged. Heero quietly bided his time as Relena prepared for the event that would introduce the Terra Project to the Earth Sphere Unified Nation (ESUN).

Oooooo

Hilde paced back and forth, "Duo, are you anywhere near ready for bed?"

Hilde heard Duo's low grumbles and stepped quickly to the left as a pair of shoes flew past her.

"I'm almost done," Duo's defeated voice drifted out from the depths of the closet. "I just thought I could find it. I could have sworn that I put it in here."

Hilde shrugged and began picking up the clothes strewn over the floor. Duo had been in there for quite some time mumbling about something that he wanted to give Heero.

Hilde turned to face the closet, "Duo, have you talked to Heero recently?"

"Have you met the guy? He doesn't talk to anyone unless it's about a mission or to let me know that I should leave him the hell alone."

Hilde shook her head, stilling her laughter, "He moved in with Relena. She called me and told me that they're intimate now. She's hoping that he'll open up to her soon." Hilde distinctly heard the sound of something heavy falling. She wondered lightly if that was the antique bowling ball pairs that they had bought for their last anniversary.

She watched as Duo crawled out of the closet on all fours clutching his hip-length braid. The shock was apparent on his face. Hilde smirked and turned to finish folding the three shirts she had picked up off the floor on their bed. She leaned forward and smoothed the soft brown bedspread.

"Do you think they're in love, Hilde?"

Stiffening at Duo's question, Hilde tried to answer as honestly as she could, "Yes and no. I do think that Relena is in love with Heero, he is her hero, her knight in shining armor, but she doesn't understand him. Not really. Heero," Hilde shrugged and moved the shirts into her lap as she sat down on the bed. Duo had gathered the clothes around him into a pile as he listened to Hilde continue speak.

"Heero," Hilde began again, "Heero, has to find himself. I mean, I know he's spent time away from us, but I don't think he knows what he wants out of life. I think he's waiting, like this is his next mission. Dr. J's dead, right? The next mission isn't coming Duo and I'm not sure if Heero is aware of it yet."

Hilde looked up and met her fiancé's eyes, "He's got all the time in the world right? I mean, yeah, Relena wants him now and I have to admit that I agree with her, but the bottom line is that Heero has to do what's right for him. I mean what kind of life is defined by being someone's hero all the time."

Hilde responded to Duo statement with silence. She hadn't the slightly clue how to help either Relena or Heero. She didn't have the time to be concerned with either of their issues. Wanting to aid a friend in need was one thing, to try and manipulate their lives was quite another.

"Do the others know?" Duo asked quietly.

"Quatre knows which means that everyone knows. He does have a bit of a habit of speaking to everyone. Well, rationalizing with the need for having everyone's opinion."

Smirking, Duo nodded in agreement, "Quatre is like me, his own public relations manager. Let's get to bed. Tomorrow is another day."

Hilde tossed the folded shirts to Duo, "Finish cleaning before you turn out the lights, God of Death." Hilde crawled to her side of the bed and turned out the left bedside lamp. She pulled off her work jumper, chuckling at the cat calls she received from Duo as she revealed her scantily clad body.

"Hey! No throwing clothes on the floor, can't you see that I'm cleaning? No respect." Rolling her eyes at Duo's playful jests, Hilde curled up beneath the covers and sighed contentedly.

"Not even going to shower or brush your teeth? Eww, Hilde I can't believe I love waking up next to you." Hilde made a point of raising her right hand and gesturing what she thought of his waking up next to her.

Laughter met her answer before she felt his body land beside her. "Everything put away?"

"No more mess," Duo answered. "No more clothes either."

Smiling, Hilde flung one arm around Duo's neck and was dragged closer. Sleep tugged at her vision and she succumbed in the embrace of her love. A thought pulled at her just before she allowed herself to drift, "Duo, what were you looking for?"

"Couldn't find it, doesn't matter anyway. Tomorrow is a traveling day. We need all the rest we can get," Duo mumbled. Not in the mood to inquire further, Hilde silenced her mind and was at peace.

OooOOOoooOOOooo

Relena stared at the mirror. The woman hesitantly meeting her eyes held a worried expression on her face. Smoothing her pale blue dress, Relena attempted to smile. This was what she wanted. Everything in her life was now in relative order. With the Terra Project complete and its ceremonial presentation to her constituents happening within the hour, Relena was beginning to doubt her reality. Heero had not left her side. She awoke every morning to find him beside her. They ate breakfast together and had lunch and dinner together as often as her schedule would allow. Heero fit so perfectly into her prepackaged life that Relena didn't want to question why Heero was doing what he was doing. She wanted to continue to believe; even falsely that Heero wanted what she wanted.

Relena perked up at the sound of her preparation room door opening. "Ten minutes to show time!" Hilde chirped as she walked in. Oh, how Relena wished she could feel as carefree as Hilde appeared.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Relena replied turning her back to her confused reflection. Now was not the time to recant or delude herself. Heero belonged to her. He would have left by now if he hadn't wanted to be with her. Relena was convinced that he was there for the long haul. Relena believed this even as dread began to take root in her stomach.

Within minutes, Relena was introduced before an audience that spanned across the communicating universe. All eyes would be upon her, even the eyes of her future rival.

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Can you guess who?

Let me know what you think!

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	5. DecisionsDecisions

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Chapter Five: Decisions...Decisions...

Don't own GW, the writers think they do.

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Duo gripped the pamphlet tightly in his hand awaiting the arrival of the others. It had been three months since Heero's decision to enter the social world. Duo didn't mind Heero living in socialized captivity, but he noticed the mechanical behavior Heero had about him now that he was living with Relena. The annoyance of human contact still existed within him, but there was something off. Duo didn't want to be the one mentioning this to the others. If they were going to continue with their plan then he would have no choice, he needed to consult them.

Trowa and Wufei arrived within the hour. Quatre entered an hour late due to an extended meeting and delayed flight. He entered apologetically, only Trowa seemed to cast him a knowing glance. Trowa was always staring oddly at Quatre, now that Duo took the time to watch their interactions. He wondered if Quatre was subtly flirting with the tall, green eyed ex-Gundam pilot. A glare from Wufei kept Duo from mentioning the obvious. Perhaps, Quatre wasn't ready to admit his feelings or maybe Trowa wasn't who he was waiting for.

"Are we starting today or next week?" Wufei asked snidely as he glanced at his watch.

Duo huffed at the Chinese man's impatience, "I thought you were off work today? And next week for that matter? What's the rush?"

Wufei grimaced at Duo before glancing away, "I wouldn't be taking any time off if it weren't for that woman. She wants us to 'spend some quality time' together," Wufei shivered as he paraphrased his wife's phrasing. "Pretty soon, she'll be scheduling time for us to procreate."

Duo raised his eyebrows at the thought of Wufei fathering children, it was hard to imagine. Not wanting to allow his mind to travel down that dark, amusing path, he passed around copies of the pamphlet he had finally found before he left. Sitting, Duo quietly glanced over his own copy and reread the highlights of his discovery.

"How is this supposed to help Heero? I don't think we have any place to even suggest this to him or anyone in his position!" Duo held up his hands as Quatre exclaimed his distaste for this part of the plan. Wufei and Trowa kept their facial expressions neutral.

Trowa spoke first in the silence, he turned to Quatre who sat to his right, "No one is going to force him. Heero can make the decision for himself."

"Would you choose this for yourself?" Quatre asked in a voice that made him sound threatened and offended at once.

Trowa had already contemplated this option and he knew that he couldn't cause Catherine anymore pain. He'd suffered amnesia once before years ago, to go through that again even to have a new life was not a choice he could make.

"Well, it's the option on the table. Heero's tried almost everything else."

"You're wrong," Wufei mused aloud. "I don't think he has a choice. This is all he has left. Otherwise, he'll just keep drifting. Even as he continues to live with Relena, he's drifting away from her. There's nothing left for him to connect too. He's alone, even when he's surrounded by others, he's essentially alone."

Quatre shook his head quietly. Trowa could see the disappointment with their assessment in Quatre's body language. Trowa surveyed his comrades before speaking, "We'll let Heero decide then. Though I'm fairly certain he'll opt for the treatment." Without further ado, Trowa rose to answer the knock at the door. Duo grabbed the tip of his braid and yanked hard.

"You mean, Heero already knew to come? Unreal! Trowa, you should have said something. Damn it, why am I always the last to know?"

Wufei snorted and raised a newly poured glass of whisky to his lips, "I'm not surprised, although, you could have given us a little warning."

Trowa frowned as he opened the door, "I thought I did."

"When?!" Duo shouted as the door swung open.

Heero entered his dark eyes swiftly swept around the small gathering. Trowa felt something flutter within and suppressed it cruelly. Silently, inclining his head, Trowa motioned to the empty armchair. Heero complied and sat down. Duo opened and closed his mouth three times before Quatre took it upon himself to address Heero.

"I think you know why we invited you here. We're concerned about you. We want to know if you've thought of the best course of action for yourself. I mean," Quatre paused characteristically before beginning again, "are you making the right decision, to go through with this procedure?"

Heero narrowed his eyes for a moment. He wasn't staring at anyone in particular. Trowa watched him, his back against the door, preventing anyone from exiting or entering. If Trowa hadn't known Heero he might have assumed that Heero was struggling with an inner conflict, deciding which path to choose. Trowa knew better. He knew Heero and there was no way that Heero was going to back down from his decision without a very good and convincing reason. Trowa was certain that not even Relena herself would be able to stop Heero from erasing what made him, him.

Wufei turned from the drink he had just finished making and faced Heero, "Have you gone in for a screening or an information session?"

"No, I've only thought about it."

Trowa concealed his surprise. Usually, Heero was more thorough. Perhaps, he _was_ nervous. Heero had been acting out of character: following Relena so devotedly without inquiring about her security detail or requesting to shadow her. Heero was showing a side of himself that Trowa was sure that no one in this room, let alone outside of it had experienced. Maybe, the new Heero, the reborn Heero would continue this trend.

"Why don't we all go with you tomorrow?" Duo asked.

"_Sure_, it's not like any of us have careers to go back to. No, not us retired Gundam pilots. No we never have to make money. We survive on honor and battles and wars. Oh, wait, we're at peace now. Damn it…" Wufei drifted off in an irritated manner.

Duo rolled his eyes, "It's not like you'll be working anyway. I mean you and Sally'll be making little Wufeis but that only happens at night, so I think your day is pretty free tomorrow."

Wufei growled under his breath and turned away from Duo. Duo shrugged as if to say that his revelation was fact. Quatre stared down at his hands, clearly disturbed with the proceedings and the decision being made. Running his fingers through his hair, Quatre questioned Heero, "I need to know why you're doing this. I want the truth. Even though I know I'll helping to care for your wellbeing during the program."

Heero watched the reactions of his comrades with an expressionless mask. He nodded unhesitatingly after he heard Quatre's request. Trowa knew that the private quest to find more information on Heero's past was proving to be difficult, if not impossible. There was simply no history of his existence prior to becoming a gundam pilot. A few days ago, Trowa had pondered the use in knowing Heero as he was. Since Heero's decision to undergo the procedure, Trowa found himself growing more and more at ease. Heero would most likely be vulnerable, initially. He would need the support of his associates and Trowa was more than willing to be there for him.

Trowa stared intently at Heero's lips as they moved. He could understand what was being said, but his concentration was waning. Heero spoke without conviction as if the life altering decision he was making had no effect on him whatsoever. Trowa was torn between being slightly unnerved and utterly amazed.

"…at the Crawford center downtown. The procedure will be headed by a Dr. M, a previous member of the Alliance. It will take only an hour, the recovery will take a few days and then I will begin out-patient care."

"Who will you be staying with, Relena?" Quatre interrupted.

Heero moved his eyes to stare directly into Quatre's, "Relena has not accepted this decision and remains in denial about the action I am taking to release myself of my past atrocities." Trowa nodded, understanding Heero's clinical treatment of Relena's response to such a procedure.

Without waiting for another one of his comrades to offer a place of rest, Trowa offered his. There was no reason why Heero shouldn't recuperate with him. Quatre would be sure to visit as he usually did and he didn't have a partner sharing his living space as Wufei and Duo did. Heero did not decline, nor did he miss the calculating look in Trowa's gaze.

"Hey, what do you get out of this? I mean beyond the obvious, Heero? You're volunteering yourself for an irreversible procedure that will make you a civilian. You'll be vulnerable and you won't even remember us, any of us. Who's to say that'll you'll even want anything to do with us even though we're your family?"

Trowa watched Heero slowly roll his eyes to meet Duo's, "We aren't family, we are not related Duo. We are comrades that is all. My decision to erase my memories affects you as much as you allow it too. If you are concerned about our relationship after the procedure, don't be. You only need to reintroduce yourself to me and we will begin from there."

"You didn't answer his first question Heero, what do you get out this?"

"Hn." Heero closed his eyes for a moment as if contemplating his reasoning or as Trowa thought, he was contemplating whether or not he would tell them the truth or keep them guessing.

"Well," Duo began, "I've got all day to wait for a reply. I have to know why you're going through all this trouble. Wouldn't it just be simpler to just start over somewhere, where no one knows you?"

Heero's eyes bored into Duo's, "If I remember correctly, I was doing just that before you arrived."

Duo's lips formed a silent o before his closed his mouth, a symbolic representation of the end of that conversation. Trowa allowed a small smirk to grace his face.

OOOOOOOOOoooooooo

"So, I take it that Heero didn't tell you why." Hilde shook her head as she closed her laptop in a huff. "What have I told you about affronting him?" Turning to face her lover, Hilde waited for a response.

Duo sat bashfully on his side of the bed. "Hil, it wasn't like I trying to do it on purpose. Besides, Heero knows how I am. He shouldn't have been so secretive. Secrets haven't gotten him that far."

"Yes, well they certainly have saved our lives once or twice if I remember correctly. It's only fair that Heero should be able to do what he wants with his life, but committing to an act so drastic. I just don't know."

Duo glanced at Hilde through the fringes of his long bangs, "You mean that you don't know what to tell Relena. You're like her lady-in-waiting you know." Duo patted the bed beneath him affectionately.

Smiling broadly, Hilde rose from the desk and sauntered over to meet him. She wanted those wondering hands to explore her and not the comforter. "I don't know about that," Hilde responded as she settled herself onto Duo's lap. Running her hands through his disheveled and unbraided hair, she kissed him playfully.

"I only want to help and I can't do that if I'm left in the dark."

Duo sighed and pulled away as Hilde tauntingly bit into his lower lip. "I think he's looking for love and I think the only way he thinks he'll truly find it is to get rid of what has made Heero who he is."

Hilde raised her eyebrows, "That's what he said to you? He's looking for love? He's got that already, we love him."

"No," Duo said dispassionately, "I don't think he wants family love, he wants something else. I mean Relena's fascination with Heero is understandable but it's not love. Not when you sit and meditate on the relationship they've had over the years. Heero is her knight, her protector. He's like a fantasy come true, but he's not real."

"I disagree," Hilde pushed herself off of Duo's lap realizing that this discussion was going to squash any plans she had on achieving an orgasm. "Heero does love Relena, why else would he have come? I mean it wasn't too long ago that you said that he loved her. Relena is what Heero wants, she's his princess. They're living a fairytale and Duo, you're just going to let Heero ruin it because he's searching for something he already has?"

"You don't have to agree, you just have to face facts, Heero does not love Relena."

"Did he say that?" Hilde asked as she pulled off her blouse and unhooked her bra.

"No," Duo answered as his eyes caught a glimpse of pert breasts. Averting his eyes, Duo stared into Hilde's, "He didn't have to. I mean who's to say that Relena is Heero's destiny. I mean he _is_ fulfilling an obligation by being her with her isn't he?"

"No, Duo listen to you. Heero does have a profound sense of duty, but that can't be all that Relena is to him. She makes him feel, Duo, _feel_. That must count for something." Hilde tossed her trousers and panties over the side of the bed onto the floor, "Are you going to fuck me or what?"

Duo frowned and gathered his hair onto his right shoulder. Twisting it curiously, Duo gazed at his lover was she right? Allowing velvety hands to guide his to slim hips, Duo divulged in the one person he felt completed him.

oOOOOOOOooo

"You're awfully quiet tonight, Trowa."

"No, it's nothing Cathy, there's a lot going on here. I'm not sure if what I plan to do is the right thing."

Catherine stared him through the monitor of the video-phone. Her gaze was not nearly as piercing as it usually was when they met in person. "Have you thought about taking another trip? The one you took before seemed to calm you down. You should relax more, the war's over Trowa."

Offering his older sister a small smile, Trowa nodded his head in agreement, "It was a nice vacation." He could still taste him, Heero in his drugged stupor. Trowa tried not to think of the lustful encounter whenever he was near his comrade. He was unrealistically paranoid that Heero might be able to read his thoughts and discover that it had indeed been Trowa who he'd indulged his intimate side with.

"I don't think I'll be taking another one for a while, Cathy."

Catherine shook her head disapprovingly, "You work so hard Trowa they should see that you need a break. Well, I have to get going."

Trowa watched Cathy turn and speak to someone behind her. The blonde haired woman with the slanted blue-violet eyes was smiling at his sister. Dorothy Catalonia waved at him as Cathy said her good-byes. Trowa reciprocated and closed the connection after his sister.

Standing, Trowa withheld his urge to seek a physical satisfaction for his craving. He wanted Heero and he would have him soon enough.

oooOOOoooOOOO

Heero sat quietly next to a Duo fidgeting, "Stop it or leave."

"_Sorry_, if I'm just a little too _human_ here. Are you even a little nervous?"

"No." Heero stared around at the sterile waiting room. It was empty save for four other men waiting a few seats down in the second half of the oddly shaped seating area. The chairs formed two rectangles. The rug settled on the floor in the middle of both seating areas had the same rectangular shaped patterns. The nurse's station was immaculate. There were five large windows allowing the sun to spill into the room. The walls were a bland pale green. A clock hung on the far right wall. It read eleven thirty in the morning.

Heero closed his eyes thinking back to the night before.

ooOOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOO

Relena brushed tears from her eyes, "Please, change your mind."

"I can't." Heero watched Relena as she folded into herself. The lavender skirt suit wrinkling from her awkward position. Her shortened hair gathered over her face like a golden curtain. She slowly kicked of her heels one by one and curled into the large leather chair that sat facing him.

"You'll leave me all alone?" She mumbled through the fabric.

Heero leaned forward and reached for Relena's hidden face, "Love is not uncertain. If my feelings for you are real then I'll come back to you. Isn't that how the old archaic saying goes? Hmm," Heero hummed to himself, "I think I'm sounding more like Duo then I intended."

Grasping his lukewarm hand, Relena pulled him to her. "Stay with me tonight."

ooOOOOoooOOOOooOOOO

"Hello Mr. Yuy, welcome to the Crawford center." Heero opened his eyes.

"I thought you said that the appointment was at one thirty, Duo?" Trowa questioned speaking over the nurse as he strolled over to where Heero was being greeted by the pale haired nurse.

"I thought you said that you told us when Heero was coming during last night's meeting." Heero ignored both of them as he rose to follow the slender form.

Quatre was frowning at Duo as he and Trowa gazed at each other before turning to follow Heero down the hall adjoining the waiting room. Wufei was silent as he nodded to Quatre and began walking beside him.

Heero quelled the urge to forcibly remove Duo from the office of Dr. M as his fellow ex-gundam pilots settled into the small seating room, from which he could see into the actual office of the doctor. Duo was still grumbling about Trowa's lack of mentioning Heero's surprise appearance the night before.

"Please be seated, the doctor will be here momentarily." Heero blinked at the nurse as she offered him another smile. It almost unnerved him, the way she looked at him with such a serene aura of pity and empathy. She smoothed the front of her uniform as she shyly glanced away under his intense gaze.

"Be quiet, Duo. There's no need to embarrass the rest of us with your characteristic ignorance. Today is about Heero, let's not spoil it." Wufei turned away from Duo to narrow his eyes at the bookcase next to the door leading further into the office. Quatre appeared visibly uncomfortable next to him. He continually checked his watch as if the appointment was keeping him from more pressing matters. Heero could feel Trowa next to him, the warmth of his comrade made his skin prickle in an inconvenient way.

oooOOOOooooOOOOoo

Leoba wandered over to the nurse's station to drop off another patient's chart. She lifted the corners of her mouth as she greeted Bella and Shrome as she silently handed over the data.

"Dr. M, your prospective patient is waiting for you in your office. He's quite the looker. He's with a group of friends too. Shrome smiled at her warmly. Leoba nodded her thanks and excused herself. Engaging in conversation with Shrome often resulted in being reminded of her son. She half-heartedly wondered if he still suffered from loose morals. She highly suspected that he did. He still lived on the earth.

Taking a deep breath and pushing her hair over her shoulder, Leoba proceeded into her office. Before fully entering the room, she observed her patient and the odd collection of young men she assumed to be his support system. The one closest to her was blonde, he sat unmoving, but she suspected that he was avidly engaged in the disagreement between the long-haired young man and his Asian peer.

Leoba's eyes drifted to her patient seated next to the blond and another brown haired young man. From the angle of his face, Leoba could see that he was calm. Clearing her throat in order to announce her presence and end the heated discussion, Leoba entered the room.

"How do you do?" she began. Settling down into the lone armchair in front of her audience, Leoba nodded her head at the murmurs of acknowledgment.

She turned her eyes to the man with the piercing blue eyes and angular face. Something about him inspired sorrow within her. Most of her patients were male and all of them were seeking an end to the pain. "It's my pleasure to meet you Mr. Heero Yuy."

Leoba wasn't sure what she was expecting, but the silent nod was not it. She inclined her head as the other young men filled the silence by telling her their names. The Asian was Wufei. The brown haired young man was Trowa. On the other side of Heero, as Heero sat in the middle of the gathering was Quatre, the blonde and Duo the loud brunette with the long braid.

After another pause, Leoba began as she usually did, "I understand that you, Mr. Yuy, Heero are here to learn more about the procedure. I am well aware that you already know the specifics. What I need to know is what you gain from this procedure? After all, we here can only use Electric Shock Therapy to rid you of your memories. What happens afterward is entirely up to you."

Leoba sat back and waited patiently for a response. Minutes ticked by and slowly the other young men in the room focused in on their comrade. Heero sat staring at Leoba. The harsh pierce of his gaze left and a blank stare replaced it. Leoba had grown accustomed to this part of the conference. It often took ex-soldiers a few days to think about what they were gaining and losing from the procedure. Leoba didn't accept the common answers of losing pain and gaining freedom because neither was true. Patients after procedure often experienced ghost pains, nightmares, night terrors and paranoia. Not to mention that the idea of freedom was subjective. What Leoba needed to know was whether or not Heero could come to terms with his life as it was now and the possibility of becoming a stranger to his friends and memories after the procedure.

"Nothing, probably." Heero's gaze shifted to the patterned carpet beneath their feet. A sign to Leoba that Heero was being truthful. "I don't think anyone I know is happy with this decision." Leoba didn't miss the quick glance at the blonde, Quatre, before Heero continued.

"They respect me and my judgment as I respect theirs. I need to become someone else. There isn't one answer to your question. I cannot answer the way you want me too. I just know that this is what I need to feel comfortable with who I am. There is no other choice. This is my last mission."

"Heero," Quatre whispered, his voice wavering and his eyes watering. "We haven't had any in years. You shouldn't make one for yourself now."

"He's not. It's been there all along. I've said this before. He's human, no different from the rest of us. If this is a mistake, it's one he has to make." Leoba shifted her gaze from the Asian to the long haired youth as he spoke his rebuttal.

"I don't know guys. Heero, listen to her, listen to us. You can't really think this is the way to fix things. What about Relena?"

Leoba watched Heero closely as he closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. She would have thought of it as a protective gesture, only he didn't exhibit the insecurity of her other patients. He seemed sure and in power. Why would he want a procedure that might erase all of his innate self-confidence?

ooOOOOOooooooooOOO

Leoba left the meeting confused and slightly energized. Heero had refused to answer anymore inquiries. He wanted to move on and schedule the procedure and Leoba couldn't refuse him. He was competent in his decision. He obviously was not coerced. Judging from the reaction and support of his friends, Heero would not be left alone during this transitional period.

Pushing herself from her desk, Leoba stood. She walked to the halfway point created by the door to her inner office from her small seating area where she interviewed patients. She could still feel the presence of the head strong young man that had left over an hour ago. Who would he be when awoke from the treatment? Nearly half of her patients experienced a personality different from their previous one. The other half experienced the anxiety of having personality traits foreign to themselves. The ghosts of the past were hard to erase.

Glancing down at her watch, she realized that she had another conference. Walking over to her desk, Leoba scheduled Heero for his procedure in another week's time.

ooOOOOOOOooooo

Trowa hid his satisfaction with Heero's decision to go through with the meeting as he walked slowly over to the fuming group. The cozy cafe was nearly empty of patrons, save them. Neither Duo nor Wufei would speak to each other. Quatre was quietly conversing in the corner with someone about a business transaction that was occurring on another colony. Heero was seated calmly far enough away from Duo and Wufei that he could successfully ignore their heated stares. Sitting, Trowa handed Heero a plate of diamond cut ham sandwiches. Heero nodded his thanks. Trowa slowly sipped his cup of coffee as he reminisced about the meeting.

He'd held his peace about the situation because he was looking forward to housing Heero. He'd taken care of Heero before and had no qualms about doing so again. There was no war to be fought. Heero needed to concentrate on himself. Trowa would have been lying if he didn't admit his own hope that Heero would turn to him for support without Trowa having to maneuver his way into a relationship with him.

"I've got to go." Quatre sounded apologetic as he walked over.

"Another transport meeting?" Duo asked already knowing the answer.

Quatre nodded as he collected his briefcase. He spared Trowa a long glance before shifting his gaze to Heero. "I'll be back. Let me know where you decide to stay if not with Relena."

Trowa watched as Heero silently nodded.

ooOOOOOOooooooo

Long after leaving Heero, Wufei and Duo, Trowa wondered the city streets. He knew it had to be somewhere in the sketchiest part of town. That was usually where the promiscuous happenings occurred. As Trowa traversed the streets in search of a nightly fix, he realized that this was one of his last nights searching for a companion in men who sought only a few hours worth of abated lust. Trowa wanted a permanent fix and he knew the form of the package that would present him with it.

He already had a plan formulated. The earth was a wonderful place for Heero to recreate himself. Away from everyone, including Relena.

ooOOOOOOOOOooooo

Yep, another long awaited chapter. Don't shoot. I've been super busy. I'm studying abroad again. I was in Tokyo, now I'm at Oxford University! Yay. And I am and going to finish this story before January. That is my goal.

R&R, if you dare. Let me know what you think.


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